“Be kind” is something we are frequently admonished. 

Be kind. What a great phrase! They are great words to hold up to anything we do or say. My daughter will say to her daughter “was that kind?” or “were you being kind?”. It’s a stop, look, and listen kind of thing. We should be kind to one another. It’s not always an easy task, but it’s certainly an admirable one.

Miriam Webster defines “kind” as “to be gentle and to bring happiness to others”.

To be kind toward self is not included. Society has conditioned us to be hardest on ourselves. We question how we look; how much we eat; how much we do for others, are we smart? It’s an endless list that becomes self-demeaning and self-defeating.

How about this?

Let go of being unkind toward self and hold ourselves accountable for being kind to our own being? It’s said that plants thrive on kind conversation. I believe that to be true. So if plants can thrive on kind words, then why can’t kind words to ourselves help us thrive?

Here’s a simple exercise.

Get a sheet of paper and a writing tool.  Now think of all of the negative thoughts we’ve used or heard about ourselves or other people. Write them down.

Perhaps our list looks similar to this one:

  • I’m boring.
  • I’m fat.
  • I’m stupid.
  • I’m lazy. 
  • I’m disorganized.
  • I’m not good enough
  • I’ll never be good enough.
  • You don’t know anything.
  • You have no plans.
  • You’ll never succeed in doing it that way.
  • They’ve always been that way, they’ll never change.
  • No one wants you.
  • I hate myself. 
  • I’m not good for anything.
  • I’m a mess.
  • I’m unloveable.

These thoughts don’t feel kind. They leave us feeling alone and empty. They create negative energy in our bodies. No one can thrive on negative energy.

Let’s get quiet and visualize a fire burning in our belly. Now into that fire toss in all of the negative thoughts we’ve used or heard about ourselves or other people.

Now close our eyes and envision these unkind phrases burning in the fire. Ask Spirit and our angels to help transform these words and phrases into helping us be the best person we can be.

What thoughts might we see coming up out of the flames; transforming us into the kind and compassionate person we really are. 

Perhaps our list looks similar to this one:

  • I’m interesting to be around.
  • I like to feel healthy.
  • I am doing the best I can at this moment.
  • These are my skills. 
  • I can ask people to support me.
  • I will be with people who make me feel good about myself.
  • These are the things I want to learn.
  • I am who I am and that is enough. 
  • Spirit loves me. 
  • I am loveable.
  • Loving myself is revolutionary.
  • I joyfully love myself.
  • I accomplish much during the day.
  • I am kind.
  • I am gentle.
  • I smile as radiantly as the brightest star.
  • I am successful.
  • I am enough.
  • I am.

Say these new thoughts out loud. Smile as we say them. How do we feel when we hear them?

They feel far better, don’t they? Rather than the unkind things we say to ourselves and to which we have become accustomed.

These new thoughts empower us. They help us thrive. We can do this every day as part of a daily ritual. We can do it less frequently and make a ceremony of it by lighting a white candle and look gazing into the flame until we have quieted our mind and we’re ready. Then proceed with the exercise. We can take as much time as we wish to complete the exercise.

Now breathe in softly. Fill our lungs with fresh air. Now push the air out forcefully. Do this three times. Ending with a gentle inhale and exhale. We’re exchanging negative energy in our body and replacing it with renewed, positive energy.

All of this may seem awkward at first. Especially if we aren’t used to spending time being kind to ourself. We can make the process our own by designing and using materials with which we feel comfortable. What would you use?

I’d love to hear how this worked for you. Sharing our experiences helps us and in turn, helps others.